I was cleaning up my computer the other day when I ran across this beauty. Five and a half years ago I decided to try to be a little (emphasis on "little") creative with my parents' 25th anniversary. So I came up with this video. I realize many of you do not know the people in the video (though you might recognize me a few times), but I think it's worth sticking with it until the end. Or I suppose you could skip to 3:14 if you're that bored and/or you hate it that much. And then stay for the cheesy credits for the one "outtake" I threw on the end. I'll explain it after the video. Oh, and if you like surprises, I'd suggest not reading anything below the video until you've watched the thing.
I was just going to get Ellen to sign a card, but then I thought, "Hell, I am, among other things, the 'B' camera operator for field shoots on this show. Why don't I get her on tape?" So I did. All I did was show her two pictures of my parents, tell her their names and what anniversary it was, and she was off. You can occasionally see me in the mirror, holding the camera. I'm actually surprised the shot is so steady, since I was rather nervous. It's not like I hadn't talked to Ellen before, but there were about a dozen other people in the room, all watching this little moment.
I really miss being able to like Ellen. I explained here why I can't like her (there's a little more to the story, but I'm not writing about it now), so go read it if you must. I guess I take comfort in the fact that I have this one bit of proof that she could be a decent human being at times.
The "outtake" at the end actually happened when I first started shooting, which is why it ends with me handing Ellen the pictures. Ellen knew about the one talent I have, which is to immediately tell you how many letters are in any word you give me. This trick never failed to amaze and impress Ellen, which of course always made me proud. Anyway, in the outtake she is getting her mom (Betty) to quiz me on a word. Betty says, "constellation," and I say, "thirteen." Then Ellen says, "ridiculous" and I say, "ten." If you ever meet me in person, try this game with me. It's fun.
After I shut off the camera, Ellen said, "I don't know why I said bastard. Is that okay? Do your parents curse?"
I said, "Like sailors."**
And Ellen said, "Oh, well then I should have said 'fucker.'"
**This is not true. I must point this out because if I don't, it will be the first thing my mother mentions the next time we talk. So, Mom, now my readers know that you don't actually have a potty mouth. You're welcome. Happy Mother's Day!