Monday, August 30, 2010

Manny, the McCourts and Me

I suppose that since this site once masqueraded as a Dodgers blog, you're all expecting me to say something about Manny going to the White Sox.

The thing is, I just don't care. The Dodgers have played terribly this year, led by an overrated manager who wouldn't know how to manage a bullpen even if he were handed a script written by MSTI and Sons of Steve Garvey (maybe I'd throw in an opinion or two as well, since it is my idea), and the ownership (whoever that might be) is making it virtually impossible to feel anything but outrage (mixed in with a lot of apathy -- trust me, it's possible) when it comes to being a Dodger fan.

Mr. and Mrs. McCourt, I do not care about how many gobs of money you have, and how much each of you wants to make sure that the other has just maybe one fewer gob than the other. You're disgusting. I'm spending every hour of my days looking for a job, and despite applying for virtually everything for which I am even remotely qualified, so far my one and only response has come from Home Depot, where I was offered a part-time position (ten hours a week) as a cashier for -- wait for it -- $8.80 per hour. And Jamie, your lawyers asked for $1,000,000 per month in support so you can continue to live in the lifestyle to which you have grown accustomed.

Fuck you.

I'm not living in Los Angeles anymore, but if I were, I don't think I'd pay money to go see the Dodgers play this season. Or maybe even next. I'm not trying to become the leader of some sort of uprising, but I just don't understand the point of giving money to an organization that has proven more than once over the past few years that it just does not give a crap about the fans. Maybe it's time for the franchise to be reminded that the fans are the ones paying the bills around there, and that perhaps we think it's a little silly to give up the best player we've had in years, and get absolutely nothing in return except the privilege of not having to pay his salary anymore. I know things work differently in baseball, but in the real world when an employee stops working for a company, that company stops paying the employee a salary. So forgive me if this waiver deal with the White Sox seems like less of a "deal" and more of a "normal thing that happens every day when people quit, resign, or are fired from their jobs."

I liked cheering for Manny as a Dodger, but given how I feel about the team in general right now, I can't blame the guy for getting the hell out of town.

I can, however, blame the McCourts and Colletti and anyone else in charge, since they've decided to do nothing but run my team into the ground, and make a mockery of a storied franchise in the process.

Hey, what do you know? Turns out I do care a little bit. In order to help you understand, I've created a pie chart to indicate what's on my mind these days. I hope it helps.

And if you want to learn more about Dodger bloggers' opinions on Manny's exit (click around the sites to find opinions on the McCourts' divorce as well), here's your reading list:

Au Revoir, Manuel Aristedes Onelcida

Saying Goodbye to Mannywood

Waking Up from Manny

Thanks for the Memories Manny!

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Explore the Meaning of Life

Driving in Beaverton today, on my way to Dairy Queen (for my last Blizzard before I once again give up sugar for a while, which I originally did for Lent), I passed a billboard for something called "The Alpha Course." There was a picture of some mountain man kind of dude (the website tells me it was Bear Grylls), and this question: If God did exist, what you would ask?

I presume God has a pretty good view from wherever he is, so I think I'd just point down at Pakistani flood victims. And Prop 8 protestors. And the hole in the ozone layer. And the melting glaciers. And American soldiers in Afghanistan. And Glenn Beck.

Not a comprehensive list, but you get the picture. And if there is a God and he speaks English and lets me ask him a question, I won't hesitate. Because one Miss Sarah Silverman has given me the perfect line should I ever find myself meeting up with the Lord himself. Sure, she's talking about the craziness of Jewish people buying German cars, but the point remains the same.

God, what the cock is that shit?

Sarah Silverman - "Jewish People Driving German Cars"

...crystal... | MySpace Video

Monday, August 23, 2010

Come On. He's Not Stephen Hawking.

Editors at need to maybe consider reading headlines out loud to themselves before going ahead and publishing this kind of stuff.

I had to take a screen shot, since I'm pretty sure someone is bound to notice the weirdness and end up changing it.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

It's Getting Old

Dear West Monroe, Louisiana:

If you provide me with your email address, I will gladly send you a notification when I have updated my blog.  That way, you don't have to spend valuable minutes of your life visiting the site at least once a day.  Trust me: I'm not that interesting.

To the rest of my readers: I will be back soon. Probably.